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Post by missdoctor on Jan 12, 2008 12:43:19 GMT
I wish he would just come back and that things between us weren´t so uselessly complicated and that we both weren´t so stubborn as we are. I want to end up my school getting that huge oldschoolisch pergamen UK gives to their students called diploma and I want to marry a man that I will love. But for start,I want him back.
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 16:17:28 GMT
To begin with I want to stop being ill then I want to stop being scared then I want to stop hurting then I want to have the guts to end this relationship to stop hurting the person I love so much... to stop ruining his dreams... but I am selfish to no end and I am loved and I love back to a point where I didn't think I was capable of... then I want to be rich I want money to stop being a problem for everything, especially when we fucking have them
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 16:19:23 GMT
you want to break up with him? why? i mean, not that i like him that much even if i don't know him but i thought you were fine... i'm being more scared of him hurting you than reverse to be honest and don't worry, other people love you, perhaps not in the same way, but they love you, and if you two break up, i'm sure you'll find someone else that would love you
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 16:23:10 GMT
I want to break up because I'm scared that I won't get to uni in Belgium, because I'm scared that I'll break his dreams and hopes... we're planning like our lives together... and it scares me that these could be just words said to one another... things are perfect between us... above perfect.... but I keep telling myself eversince I came back from Belgium in the first place that he doesn't deserve a long distance relationship.... arf don't mind me.... it's just a thought.... a stupid one even....
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 16:26:08 GMT
what you say is scaring me i mean you're 18 ! don't start planing up things so much. And i think it would be better to get a bit away from belgium, see something else, no matter what it would be really, you're young, don't go fuck up your life by going too quickly
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 16:29:19 GMT
you know I kept saying the same things to Drew... but now when I want to know things for sure and need security like she did I am not able of giving up from it... It scared me as well the first time... but then it stopped... it calmed me down every single time when I thought that this or that thing was really supposed to happen for me... and it also bothers me that I didn't understand her when she told me that things between me and her would never work because she needed plans and commitments and I didn't want to make them... and I'm the one needing them...
arf... don't mind me... these are just the delirious thoughts of a person who has fever
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 16:33:20 GMT
she was right you know, i don't think you're someone who'd make commitment. NOT RIGHT NOW i think you need time, and it's understable. He's older than you and really i tell you, don't get yourself in that. Get away from that and think. Do you really want to have your life planned at only 18? personnally, i don't think you're ready for it. And it's not the only person on earth you know... don't think no one else would love you or sth. Do what is the best for you. And by seeing you right now, keep going with him doesn't seem like a good solution
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 16:38:19 GMT
I have 39 fever... so really don't mind what I'm saying right now... the thing is I've been more than unstable all the time... and now I want a real grip on something... I long for it... for security... jeeze I don't even knwo anymore what I'm saying here
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 16:40:53 GMT
no i'm minding it because it's NOT because of the fever stop trying to find a way out if it comes out it's because you really have those fears i tell you, it wouldn't be the end of the world to at least get away and it would be better get a grip on yourself, not on other people at 18, you can't take the risk of saying "i'm gonna make my life with you" no matter who you are
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 17:01:36 GMT
I can take the risk of saying it.... even though it will or will not become true... you can say that at any age... at least that's what I think... I know that for once I gave myself completely to one single person... that for once I'd sacrifice my life for one person... and that is scary as an idea true... but... for some reason I feel that it's worth it maybe these are just a teenager's rants? we all have crazy dreams and ideas, don't we?
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 17:05:36 GMT
really you're scaring me right now, if it goes wrong, what will you do? i tell you, get a grip on yourself, don't hand on this to save you or anything, get a break from this and REALLY think about all the consequences before doing anything you might regret.
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 17:06:49 GMT
I'm trying to think... but I'm just blinding myself with hope... I keep asking myself what will happen if I do what we said? if something goes wrong? Then what? But I'm too scared to answer that question
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 17:16:12 GMT
i tell you, don't fuck up your head, i'm not telling you "break up" even though i do think it would be the best right now try not to go there, take your time, have a real break from him and think about it all if you plan your life now, at 18, you may have no way out, really, i don't think you're ready for this if he loves you, as in really loves you, he should be able to understand, don't let him make decisions for both of you because you would be too blinded by love to react you know i'm telling you this as advice, and even if it may sounds pretencious, you know that most of the time, what i say wasn't that wrong... i'm scared for you really love is not about locking our life up like this
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Post by morningstar on Jan 12, 2008 17:21:23 GMT
the thing is that we both want the same things... I want them.... not just he... sometimes I feel that I'm the one who put those ideas in his head... I know that most of the times you weren't wrong I'm aware of it... though every single time I prayed that you would be.... just like i hope now... I guess that all that I can do is wait and see what the days to come will bring... without really doing anything in one way or the other
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Post by Hinahon:Blind on Jan 12, 2008 17:24:32 GMT
the fact is simple: you said it yourself "I keep asking myself what will happen if I do what we said? if something goes wrong? Then what?" this must warn you. You're wondering that, so you're not feeling ready for it. You shouldn't even be thinking that much about it. The way you talk obviously shows that you're not ready, no matter how much you love him there are plenty of fishes in the sea, don't lock you up with him because you love him and you feel loved, keep your life for yourself, you're young, enjoy life while you still can. When you'll be with someone, it won't be that easy anymore. You have time, there is no need to rush.
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